Although we are a young couple, having a family has always been important to us. After getting married we immediately began trying to have a baby, with no such luck. We finally visited a reproductive endocrinologist after almost three years of trying, and she put me on Metformin to help regulate my hormones. Well, that did the trick after only a few months!
Although I was nauseous and had one cold after another, we were very excited. I thought I would be romantic and schedule our 20-week ultrasound where we would find out the sex for Valentine’s Day. Well, that turned into one of the worst days of our lives. That was when we found out there was no amniotic fluid and that our baby had a bladder obstruction. After many doctors appointments they determined we did not qualify for any fetal interventions as there was too much damage already.
When I was 32 weeks I began having contractions, and they progressed enough that they could not be stopped by the drugs. I had to have a c-section because my baby was breech as well. On May 15, 2012 our baby boy, Toby Scott, was born. He was very sick in the NICU and struggling severely. I was so sick from anesthesia that I only saw him for like two minutes. My husband spent his time with him, and held him in his arms as he left us and went to heaven. Luckily my family, who live 9 hours away, was able to make it in time. I’m so thankful they were here during this experience.
No words can describe how it feels to lose your child, even when you’ve known for months that this was the most likely outcome. What has helped me is a great family and friend support network as well as knowing that everything happens for a reason. I am using this experience to help educate others and to help raise money for the Fetal Health Foundation so that others do not have to go through this same experience alone and their babies can have a chance.