Supporting a loved one through infertility can be challenging, but it’s incredibly important and meaningful to their journey.
“There’s no single way to support a struggling friend.”
What one person wants another might not. One person might want to talk about her fertility challenges, whereas another might not.
One person might benefit from a thoughtful gift, while another might want a hug or someone to simply sit next to her and watch Netflix.
Ask your friend what will be best for her. If she says she doesn’t know, offer suggestions and see if any of them lands. If they don’t, ask her if it’s okay for you to check in with her again at a later date,” said Darcie Brown, JD, MA, LMFT, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. “Conversely, if a friend asks for space or not to talk about the issue, respect that.
She might need the distraction of talking about anything other than trying to conceive.”
Here are some practical ways you can offer your support:
Listen without judgment.
Let your friend or loved one express their feelings openly without fear of judgment. Infertility can be emotionally draining, and having someone to listen can be a relief. Everyone copes with infertility differently, so be supportive and understanding of your loved one’s unique needs and feelings.
Be empathetic.
Try to understand what they’re going through, even if you haven’t experienced it yourself. Empathy can go a long way in making them feel understood and supported. They know you cannot help them fix the problem, but being a listening ear can mean the world.
Educate yourself.
If you are not already aware, learn about infertility and the various treatments available. This will not only help you better understand what your loved one is going through, but will also enable you to provide more informed discussion and support.
Respect their privacy.
Infertility is a sensitive topic, so respect your friend or family member’s privacy and only discuss it if they are comfortable doing so. Do not share their situation with others without their consent.
Offer practical help
Offer to accompany them to doctor’s appointments, help with household chores, cook a meal, or provide a listening ear when needed. Sometimes, practical assistance can be more valuable than emotional support, as you are helping alleviate some of the stress they are feeling.
Be patient
Understand that they may have good days and bad days. Be patient with them and offer your support consistently, even when they’re not feeling their best.
Avoid giving unsolicited advice
While you may have good intentions, giving unsolicited advice can sometimes be more harmful than helpful.
Instead, offer your support and let them take the lead in how they want to be supported and handle their infertility journey.
Be sensitive with your language: Avoid using insensitive language or phrases that may unintentionally hurt them. For example, refrain from saying things like “Just relax and it will happen,” or even “Why don’t you just adopt?” It might be a good idea to avoid talking about pregnancy and babies altogether for a while. Instead, offer words of encouragement.
Encourage self-care
Encourage them to take care of themselves both physically and emotionally. Suggest activities they enjoy like hiking or traveling, watching a movie, or pursuing a new hobby, whether together or separately. Sometimes couples would rather deal with things alone, while others prefer being surrounded by their family and friends to keep busy. Just let them lead
Encourage seeking professional help
If you notice that your loved one is struggling to cope with their infertility, encourage them to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in infertility issues.
Remind them of their worth
Infertility can sometimes make individuals feel inadequate or less valuable. Remind them of their worth as a person, partner, and friend, regardless of their ability to conceive.
Remember that everyone’s experience with infertility is different, so it’s essential to tailor your support to the individual’s needs and preferences. Just being there for them and showing that you care can make a world of difference.
