Written and contributed by Faith Dulany, Founder of CarryMe Health.
Rewriting the Narrative on Maternal Mental Health, Pain, and Healing
“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken. ‘” – C.S. Lewis
Isn’t that true? It is so hard to say “my heart is broken”. Especially around Mother’s Day. It’s a time for happy, healthy families to celebrate while the broken hearts stay silent… right?!
Thankfully, we get to rewrite that narrative. And I might add, we must rewrite that narrative.
This can be done in small, simple ways. The more we share our experiences in our own safe communities, the more we find others that will affirm we are not alone.
May Is More Than Mother’s Day
For all those impacted by fetal health complications – parents, families, care providers – May is an important month in which we recognize Maternal Mental Health. We likely default to May being the month of Mother’s Day, which is of course a day to celebrate, honor, mourn, reflect. Yet we also want to highlight that May is Maternal Mental Health Month, and we get the opportunity to make space for your mental health as mamas! You have experienced a roller coaster from diagnosis to decisions and outcomes, past or present, that undoubtedly have affected your heart, soul, mind, and family. This is a month to acknowledge not only your motherhood, but also the toll that navigating complex fetal care can take on you and your family – with all of its beauty and tragedy intertwined.
The Hidden Toll of Fetal Health Journeys
We can probably all agree that, if our common ground is fetal health, it is with some extra weight that we stop to recognize Maternal Mental Health Month and Mother’s Day! You have navigated or are currently navigating a narrow and challenging path, not for the faint of heart. But we can also be assured: with great challenges come great restoration and healing. So this month (and next – we see you, Dads! 🤗), let’s lean in!
First, we want to recognize you: you are a mom, you are seen, and you are not alone! You and your baby are worth celebrating.
Second, we want to rewrite the narrative on perinatal and maternal mental health: your mental health not only matters, but must be prioritized. The trauma you have experienced, or are experiencing right at this very moment, can be met with specialized, personal support to help carry you through.
Why Mental Health Must Be Part of the Conversation
Maybe you’ve recently felt the overwhelm of a fetal health diagnosis. Maybe you are years past the words of a care provider that are seared in your memory, and Mother’s Day brings you back to your child that left this earth too soon. Maybe you have beautiful, healthy children that received effective fetal care.
If any of these describe your current moment, each comes with significant complexities that so often are coupled with perinatal anxiety, depression or trauma.
Perinatal and maternal depression is present in 1 in 5 moms, and 1 in 10 dads today.
For fetal health patients and families, these statistics increase. A recent study conducted at The Mayo Clinic shows how the perinatal mental health of those impacted by fetal surgery is heightened:
- >1 in 2 patients that underwent fetal surgery with pre-existing depression or anxiety saw exacerbated symptoms after delivery
- 1 in 4 patients without pre-existing conditions experienced newfound depression or anxiety
These statistics are significant in recognizing the need for maternal wellness and mind-body support!
Real Challenges, Real Data
The study also notes that 35% of the population was ineligible for fetal surgery, and thus not included in the studied cohort. More than 1 in 3 patients represent another population of fetal health families that have similarly received a life-altering diagnosis that will forever affect their hopes and dreams. These patients’ fetal care options may include life with complications, palliative care, stillbirth or termination. We similarly must recognize the care and support that these moms and dads will need to be carried through their heartbreak, as C.S. Lewis states.
Resources That Can Make a Difference
We are living through a maternal mental health crisis, and more generally, a time where we can so easily feel weary in our everyday lives. The good news? More and more healthcare services and support systems are available to address perinatal and maternal health trauma, depression and anxiety today than ever! We can overcome the heartbreak, and we can carry one another through.
Here are a few resources for fetal health families to check out this Maternal Health Month:
https://www.perinatalhospice.org/list-of-programs
https://www.sevenstarling.com/
In addition to virtual and digital mental healthcare solutions and online or local support groups specifically geared towards perinatal and maternal mental health, several leading Fetal Centers are now providing in-house mental health resources. This allows families to find accessible, built-in mind-body support in the context of their existing fetal care. This is something that you can look for when deciding on a fetal care center for fetal therapy. Ask your care navigator what resources are available for patients and families as you care for your baby.
Moving Forward Together
So here we are – in what can be a very tough month, and also a month of hope and promise for maternal wellness! We are seeing amazing movement to support perinatal and maternal mental health.
Let’s come together in celebrating all moms this Mother’s Day – those in the fetal care community, and millions of new moms each year:
- Celebrate Mother’s Day yourself – you and your baby are seen, known, loved!
- Give yourself the space to find the mental health care you need – you are worth it!
- Share a smile, hug, eye contact, phone call or “Happy Mother’s Day” to a family you know that needs recognition or support this month – they will never forget it!
- Join us in rewriting the narrative on Maternal Mental Health – access, or help others access, the resources that you and your family may have been waiting for!
