Intentional habits and traditions can help keep your baby’s presence alive and make room for personal healing.
Written by Faith Dulany, Founder of CarryMeHealth
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month — a time to honor your baby and give space to our children who we carry in our hearts.
Grief and love live side by side. From my experience, allowing myself the heavy seasons, days, and moments to grieve has actually grown my love for our daughter that we lost to complications of Turner Syndrome in 2019.
One support leader of mine told me of a tradition she and her husband held: they would light a candle and put it on the dinner table on a day where they needed extra grace and support after work. This was an unspoken signal to each other that, without saying a word, gave space to honor their stillborn child.
I love this! We didn’t recreate this ourselves, but our family has a couple traditions we fiercely defend in our own home ☺️. Do you have any habits or traditions in your house or daily routines that honor your baby?
🗓️Three Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Baby This October
Here’s a free calendar for the month of October, created by a non-profit I volunteer with, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS). It has 31 amazing ways to engage in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Check it out!
I think I can make room for at least 3 of these, can you?
- Light a Candle (October 15 – International Wave of Light)
At 7 PM local time, families around the world join together by lighting candles in memory of babies gone too soon. This simple ritual creates a shared circle of love and remembrance that stretches across time zones. Invite friends and family to join you in honor of your baby’s name, too. People want to support you, and sometimes need a simple pointer on how to do so. - Create Something Lasting
Plant a flower, paint a rock, or buy a piece of jewelry (birth stone, locket with ultrasound photo, etc) that carries their memory. These physical reminders become physical representations of comfort and beauty that you can return to. Plant it or place it in a special spot in your home. - Share Your Story
Tell your baby’s story—through writing, photos, or conversation. Write in a private journal, share a picture with a family member, or ask a friend “hey, can I share something with you?”. The more I share the little things, the more I find moms and dads like me and my husband …everywhere. We are not meant to walk this road alone. Find that one sentence release (“Butterflies remind me of [Child’s Name]”, “This is a hard month for me”, [enter yours here]), and speak life into your being!
🫶 “Time is measured in minutes, while life is measured in moments.”
– Mark Batterson, Win the Day: 7 Daily Habits to Help You Stress Less & Accomplish More
Time marches on, we can’t deny that. But life is measured in moments. What a freeing truth!
Allow your child to be part of those moments. Make memories. Simple ones… and sometimes big ones! Make one this October. These moments are what you, your kids, your spouse, will remember. The good ones will be talked about. The good ones will be repeated. The good ones leave room for both grief and love. The best ones are shared with others.
💜 As you move through October this year, remember: there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Honoring your baby is about what feels possible and meaningful to YOU.
